Tuesday, January 31, 2017

3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Befriend Your Therapist(s)

Turning your therapist into a personal friend…..

Being listened to sincerely and respectfully when you feel confessional ……

Uh, we are all intrigued by such a picture, right?

Many clients, especially those with little exposure to positive interpersonal interaction outside therapy, are likely to express such an invitation to their therapists due to a sense of loss brought up by upcoming termination.  

Nothing can be further exemplary of this dynamic than a comment I heard, “Christine, I hope that I can go out with my counselor for coffee from time to time when I am done here.”

It’s understandable and natural. Anyway, who wants to let go of warmth, respect and patience from therapists?

So, what’s wrong with befriending your therapist?

Because it is unfair for YOU, the client.

Why????

First, there is imbalance between you and your therapist as to the amount of personal information shared and exchanged.  

It’s true that therapists are (should be) as supportive, warm, accepting and respectful as your best friends. However, your therapist(s) DON’T reciprocate vulnerable information with you or if they did, they did it far less than your friend.

Ever wondered why?

Because countless seasoned therapists believe that their self-disclosure tends to shift the focus from clients to themselves. It is ok ONLY when it helps YOU achieve breakthrough in treatment.

Simply put, how fair is it for you to know nothing about your friend?

Second, the power-differential is inherent in the therapist-client relationship.
By this I mean, due to the nature of counseling relationship, therapists reserve the right of conducting evaluation, assessment and treatment as a professional. Clients are the ones on the receiving end when these activities take place.

Not agreed?

For those who went through residential treatment programs, they know that receiving a write-up which leads to disciplinary actions imposed on by staff can be most illustrative of this argument.  

So, how fair is it to befriend someone that has more power over you than you over him/her?

Third, friendship with clients will compromise a therapist’s capacity to maintain clinical objectivity.

What clearly sets friendship and therapy apart is that therapist will do their due diligence to prevent their emotional reaction from interfering with course of treatment. They will seek clinical/peer supervision or obtain necessary consultation when warranted.

Friendship, however, featured by emotional investment, easily clouds the therapist’s judgment. When that happens, his/her ability to provide quality care is questionable.

Again, how fair is it for you to settle for less when you deserve the best?

Of course, the list for the reasons can go on and on.

To sum up, turning your therapists to friends, no matter how tempting, is highly discouraged given many potential harms it can cause you and your treatment/recovery.

What can we do with this? Actually, I would like borrow another therapist’s input, “The best gift I can give you as your therapist is to stay as your therapist.”

Yes, my client, YOU don’t have to lose me, your therapist, to get a friend.


What do you think? 

2017©Minjun Wang, LPCC 2970  All rights reserved.